This has been a really hard week for me and my family. It’s amazing how everything changed for us in just a matter of seconds 8 days ago. But, I figure it I’ve learned anything from this whole ordeal, it’s to never take anything for granted. If you love someone at all let them know. Don’t assume you’ll have tomorrow, because you very well might not.
I know it probably sounds silly, but life really is precious and the little things really do mean a lot. So talk to the people you love. Let them know. Explore. Love. Laugh. Cry. Live. Appreciate it all. Know your priorities. Don’t take a single moment for granted.
It’s like reading porn! Soft-core porn, but porn nonetheless. The way they talk about caressing the spine or the weight of a book in your bag. The way the pages feel or the different bookmarks you can use. The slip covers! The search for a book, with or without one already in mind.
This is what it means to be a bibliophile.
- Mom: You'll marry some guy from Tumblr.
- Me: I'd have to find them first.
- Mom: You will. And you'll have the weirdest children ever, and I'll be the only one who can babysit them, because they'd be too much for anyone else to handle.
Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fight with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of another’s hand is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life with another’s, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection, i.e kissing, hugging, sexing, the act of holding hands is often trivialized in its true implications. As the Beatles once said: ”All I want to do is hold your hand.”
There have been times when I’ve worried that you would forget me, that our friendship had died. I worried that what we have is merely a hollow shell of what once was. The excitable chatter and games that filled our childhood have softened out to days spent in silence, watching TV or talking about things that have happened away from each other. At times it feels like you are light-years away from me, even when you are walking right beside me.
There have been times when I hated you. I couldn’t stand to look at you, where you seemed to represent everything that I hated about the world, when your very existence seemed to mock me with what I could never and would never be.
There have been times when I’ve worried you only liked me because it was convenient. Maybe you were bored and I was there and a better option than your siblings. Maybe you just needed to escape the pressures life, friends, and family placed on you.
There have been times when I’ve been jealous. I’ve been jealous of many things: of your friends, family, athleticism, artistic ability, the way you instinctively know what you want, and many others that would take far too long to list. I’ve been afraid that your other friends would take you away from me, that they were more interesting, fun, and entertaining than me. I’ve been jealous of the things that come naturally to you.
There have been times when I swore I’d never see you again. Times when we wouldn’t see or speak to each other for weeks, or months. Your life was moving on and so was mine. We were growing up and, I feared, growing apart.
We did most of our growing apart from each other. For most of our lives we’ve had our key moments away from each other. You have found and lost love, figured out what your passion is in life, and had many wonderful adventures, all of which I have had no part in. Sometimes it’s scary to think about how little I mean in the scope of your life.
But, there have been times when it seems like you are the only thing keeping me together, the only constant in my life. When the world seemed to have turned its back on me, you were still there. I’m not sure you have ever understood the comfort you provided me for years, simply by being my friend when I had lost my faith in the rest of humanity, one person I knew would notice if I disappeared. I know you were going through hardships of your own and likely lost your way as well whether at that time or a few years later. I like to think I offered the same kind of comfort to you as you did for me during those darker hours in our lives.
I’ve realized that those very things that scare me, that make me question our friendship’s strength are the things that make our friendship so strong and make us so hard to explain to anyone else. It’s why we can go so long without each other and still be exactly the same when we see each other again. It’s why we can sit in a room together and not feel the need to fill the space with idle meaningless chatter. It’s not that we have nothing to talk about. It’s the fact that we don’t need to talk anymore. It’s what makes us work. We both know that we’re opposites that shouldn’t work, but somehow defy the odds and do. Those times that we spend in silence are some of the most comforting I’ve ever experienced. Simply being in the same room is sometimes all I need of you. You make me strive to be better than I am and push my limits in ways I’d never do on my own.
Our friendship hasn’t died or withered as I have often feared over these years. Rather, it has matured. There have been times when I have needed you, but you haven’t needed me and vice versa. There have been times when we were friends out of convenience and duty rather than actual feeling. But we started where it matters and through the years our friendship has changed. Where others have faded from our lives, we still have each other. I think that’s why we work. No matter what we have gone through and encountered in life away from the comfort of each other, we always knew that the other would be there. That no matter how bad things got, we’d always be there for each other, to sit and listen with our hearts, to offer sanctuary where there didn’t seem to be any to be found.
So thank you. Thank you for being there for me through all of the highs and lows, even if you weren’t physically there or knew of my troubles. Thank you for being my best friend. God put you in my life for a reason and I thank Him every day for the blessing you have been in my life. Ultimately, I want to thank you for being my sister, not by blood, but rather in heart and soul.